That's intense
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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