dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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