The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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