who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
