Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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