In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
