I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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