I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
