Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
