i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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