I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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