There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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