I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
