Plan B is the new Plan A
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
