That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
