Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
