using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
