if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
