In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
