Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
