Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
you inspire me to be a worse person
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
