Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
