So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
