Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
