i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
