Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
