dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
