hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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