Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
