"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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