Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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