You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
