If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Randomize
