I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize