It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize