Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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