dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
