i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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