Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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