Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
