just tell him i said nine months
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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