If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
