I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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