The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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