I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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