I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
