Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The adults are the big ones right?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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