It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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