He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
