I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
