I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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