Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
