i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Randomize
