why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
