i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
