Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
