Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
