can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
