Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
