Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
