She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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