Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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