I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
