Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
how drunk are you?
Several
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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