There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize