I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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