the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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