someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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