to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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