so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
